Secrets of Time Travel to Be Revealed This Year?
Some Russian scientists claim that when the atom-smashing machine at the European Particle Physics Centre near Geneva opens for business at the end of April, one of the results of particles being smashed together at insane speeds could be a rip in the fabric of time itself, allowing for tiny particles to jump in time, according to Gizmodo.

Moreover, if we figure out how to hold open said rip, we might just be able to go back or forward in time. They say a device created to investigate the origins of the universe could become the world’s first time machine, notes Neatorama.

I suspect the device won’t work like this:

Credit and copyright: Fox Searchlight

Can someone from April please confirm this?

Signs You're Headed for Retirement
From Gregory K. McMillan’s collection of humorous cartoon books, The Funnier Side of Retirement for Engineers and People of the Technical Persuasion, via ISA.org:

• It takes more time to analyze your portfolio than your assignment.
• Wasting time in meetings seems like good practice for wasting time in retirement.
• The only exercise you get is walking to the coffee machine.
• Your grandkids need a control figure.
• You need to spend more time with your kids to refresh your computer skills.
• Your manager is half your age.
• Your manager asks, “What do you really do?”

U.S. Patent No. 3,150,831
“This invention concerns a candle extinguisher particularly adapted for extinguishing lighted candles on birthday cakes and the like,” cites "Five Idiotic Patents You've Probably Never Heard Of” at PurpleSlinky.com

In other words: a birthday cake candle extinguisher. Really?

Click image for larger view.

Get the Most from Your Morning Fix
There are plenty of arguments for and against the health benefits of coffee, but assuming you’re gonna go ahead and depend on it anyhow, here are a few of ScienceBlogs.com - Developing Intelligence’s tips on how to “get optimally wired” from the stuff:

1) Consume in small, frequent amounts — Between 20-200mg per hour may be an optimal dose for cognitive function.

2) Play to your cognitive strengths while wired — Caffeine may increase the speed with which you work, may decrease attentional lapses, and may even benefit recall - but is less likely to benefit more complex cognitive functions, and may even hurt others. Plan accordingly (and preferably prior to consuming caffeine!)

3) Play to caffeine's strengths — Caffeine's effects can be maximized or minimized depending on what else is in your system at the time.

4) Know when to stop and when to start again — Although you may not grow strongly tolerant to caffeine, you can become dependent on it and suffer withdrawal symptoms. Balance these concerns with the cognitive and health benefits associated with caffeine consumption — and appropriately timed resumption.

(via Fark)

Hubble Telescope Finds Extremely Young Galaxy
The NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope, with a boost from a natural “zoom lens,” has found what is likely to be one of the youngest and brightest galaxies ever seen right after the cosmic “dark ages” — just 700 million years after the beginning of our universe.

Detailed images from Hubble’s Near Infrared Camera and Multi-Object Spectrometer reveal an infant galaxy, dubbed A1689-zD1, undergoing a firestorm of star birth as it comes out of the dark ages, a time shortly after the Big Bang, but before the first stars completed the reheating of the cold, dark universe, according to ScienceDaily.

Images from NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope’s Infrared Array Camera provided strong additional evidence that it was a young star-forming galaxy in the dark ages.

An artist’s impression of an embryonic galaxy brimming with star birth in the early Universe
Credit: NASA, ESA and G. Bacon (Space Telescope Science Institute)

In Honor of President’s Day
Monday is President’s Day, and in honor of that, here are five things Abraham Lincoln might say if he were alive today (via CBS’ Late Show):

• What’s with the freakishly short hats?
• This guy is hilarious, but seriously, who’s your president?
• Sweet merciful Lord, these Applebee’s riblets are delicious!
• The framers of the Constitution would care less about who injected what in their ass.
• Seriously, what the hell is happening on Lost?

From IMT, we hope your Valentine’s Day wasn’t too painful. We’ll be back on Tuesday with our big issue on science, tech and engineering. See 'ya then. Cheers.