Consider some of the statements made on the Microsoft Vista (formerly Longhorn) website:

Windows Vista detects hardware problems before they occur; reduces the frequency of incidents in which applications stop responding or the PC needs to be restarted; and automatically recovers from startup and service failures. How do you benefit? No data loss, no frustration, and no downtime.

No downtime? Excuse me? Did I read that right? No downtime?! Hey, I try my heart out to be diplomatic. I've even defended Microsoft on occasion. But—Microsoft—are you completely out of your already delusional minds? No downtime just isn't possible. With a Mac, maybe—as there are only perhaps thousands of box configurations as opposed to at least hundreds of thousands. Don't worry, Microsoft, this one's not your fault. The 'openness' of the PC platform simply makes zero downtime a pipedream. Speaking of pipes, can I have what you're smoking?

Windows Vista is the most secure and trustworthy Windows operating system ever, and it helps organizations achieve their business and computing goals with confidence. Windows Vista security features protect against the latest generation of threats, such as worms, viruses, and malware. If an attacker manages to compromise a computer, Windows Vista limits the damage.

…and…

With Windows Vista, every service has a recovery policy. If a service fails, Windows Vista can likely restart it automatically. You might not even know the problem occurred.

Has anyone besides some coders in a Redmond basement really noticed the weekly—sometimes daily—Windows security updates? "The most secure ever" isn't a stretch. I mean, c'mon. Fallujah is more secure. Why not set your sights to something a little more realistic, like the complete elimination of downtime?

RE: Protection against worms, viruses and malware… That would be nice, as a hijacker of some sort is still stuck in my system. And it made it through three firewalls, Microsoft AntiSpyware, McAfee Security, VCOM System Suite, and Webroot Spy Sweeper. Oh, and none of those will detect it or eradicate it after the fact, nor will a half dozen other disinfection programs out there. Yeah, protection is a fine idea. Can you do it? One level down, your site explains such things as requiring users to have admin privileges to install new apps and drivers. Um, could someone tell me what's new about this?

"Windows Vista limits the damage." Uh-huh. a) If Vista offers protection in the first place, how does 'damage' occur? b) Limits the damage how? By locking down the registry? If that's the case, IT managers and regular users just installing new apps will be just thrilled about the lockdown. (Besides, locking down the registry can already be done with XP and through utilities. So, again, what's new?) When, not if, damage does occur, to what will the damage be limited?

System recovery? Might not know that the problem occurred? Oh, man. We've already got that, to an extent, with System Restore. Ever try to eradicate malware with System Restore? Yeah, you can do it, but all previous restore points are obliterated. Hopefully, Vista will incorporate more than System Restore's all-or-nothing approach.

Speaking of IT managers, the following is straight from Microsoft:

Note that the built-in anti-malware detection, cleaning, and real-time blocking are primarily targeted at individual users. Windows Vista does not include enterprise management for anti-malware via group policy beyond enabling or disabling the protection.

I'm sure that'll make IT professionals all warm 'n' fuzzy.

Get productive faster with Windows Vista's quick startup. Login scripts and startup applications and services process in the background while you get on with your work. And you'll restart less often because you can use the sleep state instead of shutting down to save power.

The new sleep state in Windows Vista combines the speed of Standby mode and the data protection and low power consumption of Hibernate. Changing or removing a battery during sleep state is no problem, for example, because applications and data stored in memory have been safely written to the hard disk. And startup from sleep state requires just seconds.

With superior memory management, Windows Vista is responsive—often more responsive than Windows XP on the same computer. In particular, it's faster doing the tasks that are most noticeable—opening the Start menu, for example, or right-clicking a file in Windows Explorer to display a shortcut menu.

The existing sleep state only works—sometimes—on a brand-new PC with only pre-installed apps. Install new apps or an updated video driver, change settings and—blammo—sleep and hibernate or gone at best, or cause data loss at worse. Nothing in Windows "requires just seconds."

Often more responsive than XP? Shouldn't this line read ALWAYS more responsive? Silly me. I'm asking too much again.

The worst part isn't even the blatant lying. It's that such claims are simply insulting to anyone who's ever done more with a Windows computer than play Solitaire.

The last subhead on the above-linked page reads, "Management: more cost effective and efficient." My blood pressure's already too high to think about that one.

But, hey. Maybe Apple's got it right. Announce a new Mighty Mouse that does what every other non-Apple mouse on the planet has done for the last decade. Maybe slow and easy does win the race.