The Latest Robotics and Hybrid Technologies Combined for… (Drum roll, please!) …Lawnmowers?

Yep, lawnmowers. For only $3,299, one can sit on one's ever-widening butt and mow the lawn via remote control. The RCLM 2006 C-Class for commercial applications 'has evolved from three generations of high-tech robots.' An FM radio control directs the mulching beast's wireless electric starter, wireless engine gas shutoff, alternator, two independent rear motors, and a 6 hp Kawasaki gas engine spinning a 22" mulching blade. The company also offers an S-Class model, about which Mercedes must be thrilled. I could see a rich guy getting one just to show the neighbors but, wait a minute, they're saying this is a 'commercial' model. Ah, right. I get it now. Illegal aliens—er, undocumented immigrants—can now sit on their ever-widening butts to mow lawns. All this time, I've felt guilty about having a self-propelled mower that actually requires walking. If you have that much money to dedicate to gadgets, contact Evatech, Inc. Just remember, however, that you'll still have to move your thumbs until thought-based controls are perfected.

To the Moon, Alice…To the Moon…

From Space Adventures, the company that brought us the first space tourism flight in 2001, comes the offer to send you to the Moon. The company's president, Eric Anderson, just announced that they're offering two seats on an around-the-moon trip planned for 2008—at the bargain price of only $100 million a pop. Space Adventures plans to use a Russian Soyuz spacecraft (which have been in use for nearly 40 years. Examples have been spotted on eBay with a Buy It Now price of $3.50) as the tour bus. A tad more complicated than previous pay-for-pray space activities, the moon trip involves a re-entry corridor that's "Only about the width of a sheet of paper," according to Frank Sietzen, former president of the Space Transportation Administration, which lobbies for space technology. "We have identified over a thousand people around the world who have the financial resources to participate in an expedition to the moon," Anderson said at a press conference in New York announcing the plan. Hey. I know. Let's volunteer Tom Cruise…

"There Is No Such Thing as a Chemical Imbalance."

Dedicated to the apparent insanity of Tom Cruise is a new website, TomCruiseIsNuts.com. Until visiting this site, I hadn't realized that 'jumping the couch' is urban slang, "The defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end," according to UrbanDictionary.com. (Sample usage: "My husband jumped the couch and started chasing neighbors down with his RCLM 2006 C-Class remote-controlled lawnmower.") Here on the site we have Freaky Tom Facts, Tom on Tom, Tom on Brooke Shields, Brooke Shields on Tom, Tom on "Scientology," Tom on Psychiatry, and Tom on Women, among others. Coming soon are Tom on Alien Abduction, Tom on His iPod (Watch it, Tom.), Tom on Jesus, Tom on Recycling and, my personal favorite, Tom on Fruit Loops. A Topical Trash production (these people are just freakin' brilliant), TomCruiseIsNuts is flanked by such sites such as WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com, WhereInTheWorldisJesus.com, and WeLoveArnold.com. Hey, good clean fun to surf while we're spiraling into The Abyss. I've looked into The Abyss, and The Abyss said, "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

"I'm Sorry, Ma'am, You're Retarded."

Woman: I'd like to order a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.
Cashier lady: I'm sorry, ma'am, we're kosher.
Woman: Oh, okay. Then make it a sausage, egg, and cheese.
--Nathan's, LaGuardia

The above is from OverheardInNewYork.com. Even with as much leeway as Publisher Paul gives me here on The Blog, I can't in good taste begin to describe this site. Suffice it to say that it's all about things that have been overhead in New York. It's insane, profane, perfectly incorrect, and the source of the best Oh-My-God-I-Can't-Stop bout of laughter that I've had in weeks. Visit at your own risk but, trust me, it's worth it.

I'm off to jump the couch.

Enjoy your weekend...

Oh…and to my anonymous partner in crime on this one…Mwah, Dahlink!