If you haven't heard of the Darwin Awards then, man, you've gotta get out more.

One of the 'official' Darwin Awards websites says it more eloquently than do I:

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards…salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. Of necessity, this honor is generally bestowed posthumously.

Let's take a look at some of the awards with our own engineering-related categories.

Aerospace
Year of Our Lord, 1995
Status: Bogus

The most famous of all, this memorialized retired Air Force Sergeant strapped a JATO (Jet-Assisted Take-Off unit…a solid fuel rocket used to give military transport planes a little extra oomph to take off from short airfields) unit to his '67 Impala. He kicked the tires and lit the fires in the Arizona desert. According to legend, the Impala it 250-300 mph and stayed there for 20-35 seconds. Blasting straight down the highway for another 2.6 miles, Sarge hit the brakes, melted them, blew the tires and went airborne…for another 1.3 miles. Sarge's wild ride ended 125 ft. in the air into the side of a cliff.

"Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel."

I'm mixed on this one. It actually sounds kinda cool. What a way to go. 'Tis a shame it's "confirmed bogus." This is one I'd like to believe.

Electrical
Year of Our Lord, 1995
Status: Unconfirmed

"Up here in Michigan, seems some poor fella thought it would be a good idea to 'move' a downed wire from his car. Newspaper reports it took a FULL MINUTE of neighbors whacking away at him with a 2x4 to free their freshly fried former friend from the fatal flashing."

Next time you're in a meeting, imagine the neighbors repeatedly pummeling this poor, dead SOB with a 2x4. (A single tuba-four? I guess they took turns.) If the jolt didn't get him, the construction materials did. Electricity is a recurring theme in the Darwins. Thanks, Nikola.

Weapons Systems
Year of Our Lord, 1996
Status: Conformed True

"Gregory, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited."

You really have to be grateful for this one, maybe even cheer him on. Had he miraculously survived this one, checking the fuel level in his car—in a similar manner—would have been right at the top of Greg's To Do List.

Structural
Year of Our Lord: 1997
Status: Confirmed True

"Two teens were disassembling an electric tower with wrenches when it toppled to the ground. They apparently wanted to sell its aluminum supports for scrap, but they failed to realize the essential role the aptly named "support" plays in a 160-foot tower. One of the men was crushed by the collapse of the ten-thousand-pound tower, while the other dug himself out from under, a sadder but wiser man from his close brush with a Darwin Award."

Hey, they were industrious and keeping themselves busy. Beats skateboarding through a mall. Today, the tower designers, builders, and owners would be sued, and lose.

Plant Engineering
Year of Our Lord, 2000
Status: Confirmed True

"It just stands to reason, one should follow safe practices while filming a safety video. But Peter, the 52-year-old owner of a machinery and equipment training school, violated that rule of common sense while filming a forklift safety demonstration. With the cameras rolling, he was thrown from the cabin of his forklift and crushed. Subsequent investigation revealed the culprits responsible for the fatality: driver error and high speed over varied terrain, coupled with an unused seat belt. His final safety demonstration was the most convincing of his career."

Irony is a bitch.

Transportation
Year of Our Lord, 2002
Status: Confirmed True

"Forget posted train schedules! Like an American Indian listening for horses in an old Western, a Romanian man placed his ear against the tracks to listen for the arrival of a train scheduled to stop at his station. Instead, the 46-year-old man was hit by an express train, and died instantly from head trauma."

Hmm. Is that an AGV heading this way?

Hydraulics
Year of Our Lord, 2002

"A 49-year-old Boeing worker was performing maintenance on a giant, computer-controlled machine that makes parts out of metal blocks using hydraulics to control its movement. The hydraulic lines are pressurized to 20,000 PSI even when the machine is shut off. Working on equipment such as this requires attention to detail, and a careless employee is liable to suffer dire consequences."

Cutting to the chase…

"Four high-strength bolts attached the line to the machine. The soon-to-be-ex-employee had removed three, and loosened the fourth, when the over-stressed bolt snapped. A foot-long, 3" diameter brass sleeve was inside the line to prevent the hose from kinking. It shot out and hit the mechanic in the forehead with such force that it knocked him back eight feet, ricocheted off his head, and hit a crane fifty feet overhead."

Huh. Shame the cameras weren't rolling for a safety video.

It seems, finally, someone is making a movie about the Darwin Awards, said to be in production. Might be a good idea to avoid the set, movie, cast, crew, and anything involving metals, fluids, electricity, solid-fuel rockets, and/or Winona Ryder.