Most of us have been tardy or absent due to traffic or family obligations, but few of us have ever used bingo or chickens’ feet as actual excuses for missing work.

Sick days and holiday allotments seem to be more quickly exhausted each year, with signs of deadlines going unmet. Even lunch breaks seem to be becoming more frequent and longer.

“Employee absenteeism is one of the most common workplace problems facing employers in today’s workplace,” according to HR Hero. The latest CCH Unscheduled Absence Survey revealed that large U.S. companies shell out $764,000 in direct payroll costs, and even more when “lower productivity, lost revenue and the effects of poor morale” are considered.

Yet while absenteeism remains a major drag on firms, punctuality too is becoming an issue. Tardiness is on the rise, a new survey has found.

In a November/December 2008 poll of 8,038 full-time U.S. employees and 3,259 full-time hiring managers and human resources professionals, 20 percent of American workers were found to have been late to work at least once a week, up from 15 percent from the previous year’s findings. In CareerBuilder.com‘s latest survey, announced last month, one in 10 workers (12 percent) said they are late to their jobs at least twice a week.

The most popular “standard” reasons for running late are traffic, lack of sleep (24 percent) and getting the kids ready for school/daycare (10 percent). Public transportation woes, wardrobe issues and dealing with pets are also common reasons.

Getting out the door and to the workplace on time can be quite an endeavor. For many, tardiness provides an opportunity to get creative with excuses.

Mixed in with the “common” reasons for being late to work are those that are a bit more, well, amusingly unexpected (Warning: Persistent use may lead to loss of employment.):

• My husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.
• My heat was shut off, so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.
• A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.
• I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn’t find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.
• My father didn’t wake me up.
• I got locked in my trunk by my son.
• My left turn signal was out, so I had to make all right turns to get to work.
• I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn’t rabid.
• A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.
• I feel like I’m in everyone’s way if I show up on time.
• My driveway washed away in the rain last night.
• I had to go to bingo.

For others in the morning, getting out the door at all is a challenge.

CareerBuilder.com’s latest annual survey on absenteeism, released in October, showed 33 percent of workers called in sick when they were well at least once last year. Although the majority of employers said they typically don’t question the reason for the absence, 31 percent reported they have checked up on an employee who called in sick. Worse for employees, 18 percent of employers said they have fired a worker for missing work without a legitimate excuse.

When asked to share the most unusual excuses employees gave for missing work in 2008, employers offered real-life examples that were medical, meteorological and downright nonsensical:

• I didn’t want to lose the parking space in front of my house.
• I hit a turkey while riding a bike.
• I had a heart attack early that morning, but I am “all better now.”
• I donated too much blood.
• My dog was stressed out after a family reunion.
• I was kicked by a deer.
• I contracted mono after kissing a mailroom intern at the company holiday party, and I suggest the company post some sort of notice to warn others who may have kissed him.
• I swallowed too much mouthwash.
• My wife burned all my clothes and I have nothing to wear to work.
• My toe was injured when a soda can fell out of the refrigerator.
• I was up all night because the police were investigating the death of someone discovered behind my house.
• My psychic told me to stay home.

In line with some more unusual excuses for showing up to work late, or not at all, animals seem to be a common theme in past CareerBuilder survey findings:

• My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what “really” happened. (2007)
• A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch. (2007)
• I tasted some dog food because the dog was not feeling well and now I’m sick. (2007)
• My chickens’ feet were frozen to the driveway. (2007)
• While at a circus, a tiger urinated on my ear, causing an ear infection. (2007)
• My son tried to flush our ferret down the toilet and I needed to tend to the ferret. (2006)
• I ran over a goat. (2006)
• I was walking my dog, slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back. (2005)
• I was sprayed by a skunk. (2004)
• I was spit on by a venomous snake. (2004)
• I totaled my wife’s jeep in a collision with a cow. (Photographic evidence?) (2004)

“Employers have heard every excuse in the book, so honesty is the best policy,” according to Rosemary Haefner, vice president of Human Resources at CareerBuilder.com. “It’s in your best interest to be up-front with your employer and chances are you’ll get the time you need.”

Resources

Employee Absenteeism and Attendance
HRhero.com

CCH 2007 Unscheduled Absence Survey
CCH / Wolters Kluwer Law & Business, Oct. 10, 2007

One-in-Five Workers Are Late to Work at Least Once a Week
CareerBuilder.com, Feb. 25, 2009

12 Amusing Excuses for Being Late to Work
by Rachel Zupek
CareerBuilder.com, March 23, 2009 (last updated)

One-Third of Workers Called In Sick with Fake Excuses in the Last Year
CareerBuilder.com, Oct. 22, 2008

One-in-Four Workers Admit to Making Up Fake Excuses for Arriving Late to Work
CareerBuilder.com, May 17, 2007

Best Excuses for Calling in Sick
by Anthony Balderrama
CareerBuilder.com, Dec. 17, 2007 (last updated)

One-in-Five Workers Admit to Making Up Fake Excuses for Arriving Late to Work
CareerBuilder.com, April 25, 2006

Forty-Three Percent of Workers Called in Sick With Fake Excuses in the Last 12 Months
CareerBuilder.com, Oct. 4, 2005

Thirty-five Percent of Workers Called in Sick With Fake Excuses Over the Last Year
Careerbuilder.com, Oct. 20, 2004