Clearly, this week was not that great. Actually, it was pretty lousy. Epically lousy, in fact. So, it’s kinda difficult to keep today light. But it wasn’t all bad news. We’ll just have to get through the turmoil to come out the other side absolved (with cute and furry robots).

So Then
What just happened? A couple weeks ago, the “fundamentals of our economy” were supposedly “strong.” And now?

It’s been called The Big Bailout Bill. The Financial Rescue Plan. The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008. We’re not even sure what we’re supposed to be calling it now.

To sum up this week, here’s a basic day-by-day rundown:

Sunday: Lawmakers released legislation that would give the Treasury Department the authority to use $700 billion to acquire toxic mortgage-related securities … but the following day the House of Representatives voted to reject the bill before it even got to the Senate.

Monday: Went down as Wall Street’s bleakest day since the 1987 crash.

Tuesday: Technology stocks rebounded somewhat after Monday’s dizzying drop, driven by worries about the U.S. financial systems. Bullish stock pickers began to urge investors to look for values among limping technology stocks. Even they were unwilling to say that the market had bottomed, however.

Wednesday: The unprecedented outcry from taxpayers apparently overwhelmed the servers hosting the Web sites of the House and its members, forcing administrators to limit e-mail messages from the public for the first time ever.

Thursday: A new version of the plan popped up containing some so-called “sweeteners,” such as tax cuts and health-care reforms, that are meant to appeal to the holdouts. This version of the bill safely passed the Senate on Wednesday night and was parsed by analysts on Thursday.

The revamped Senate bill sticks to the core plan rejected just two days prior. It further gives Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson the $700 billion in phases, with $250 billion up front, then $100 billion pending presidential approval and another $350 billion pending congressional approval.

It is expected to be voted on by the House some time today. UPDATE (1:35 p.m.): The House passed it.

In Thursday night’s vice presidential debates, both candidates said the economic apocalypse isn’t our fault. Rather, both Democratic Sen. Joe Biden and Republican Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin lay the blame squarely on the current administration’s economic policies, deceptive lenders and Wall Streeters gone wild.

Ongoing: Meanwhile, despite (or due to?) attempted explanations of the plan by everyone from President Bush down to the out-of-work broker standing on one of those now-abandoned posh rolling chairs on the corner of the street, the whole thing remains incredibly confusing to the average American…

…To the point that we’re not even sure what to call it: a rescue plan or a bailout? The White House likes to call it a “rescue plan” — “Financial Rescue Legislation.” The media, on the other hand (including IMT. Twice), has taken a liking to “bailout.”

Sure, the idea is that the $700+ billion is money invested, not money spent. Yet as CNBC economics reporter Steve Liesman explained to the New York Times, “You rescue the unwitting victims of a boat accident. You bail out an experienced captain who sailed knowingly into a storm. There are no innocent victims here except the American taxpayer. Wall Street, which should have known better, is getting bailed out.”

This common view, of course, has angered “Main Street,” a folksy aw-shucks phrase for the average working man and woman — which the politicos and media have picked up and run with, essentially boiling down the complex problems to a typical us-versus-them issue, in this case “Wall Street versus Main Street” (Why does no one care about the rural routes?), not to mention “Left versus Right.”

Of course, if FUD were currency, a carful of average Americans could bail out Wall Street by themselves.

“Anyone who’s wondering if there’s a recession should stop wondering,” Nigel Gault, an economist for Global Insight, told MarketWatch.

Or is it? According to a USA Today/Gallup poll conducted last weekend, one-third of adults believe the economy is not in a recession but in fact is in a depression. (By economists’ measures, it is not.)

Funny but not so funny
Photo: Flickr – scriptingnews

Balance the Budget Yourself
Think you’d do a better job at balancing the budget than our presidential candidates? Put it to the test.

American Public Media has put together a rather dispiriting online game in which you are asked to meet certain goals by playing different budget-affecting cards. Examples: increase mass-transit funding and shell out $33 billion; end “No Child Left Behind” and save $110 billion; cut federal housing assistance and save $22 billion, etc.

After you think you’ve got it all worked out, the game will tell you if you met your goals and what your budgeting style is.

Rejected: Lawsuit Against Movie Theater for Popcorn Injury
It’s getting increasingly difficult for businesses to protect themselves against society’s litigious insanity. Yet the outcome of a recent popcorn injury-related suit in New York City proves that not all news this week was bad … at least, if you’re of the belief that it is way too easy to pursue litigious action today.

A judge has thrown out an insurance broker’s lawsuit against a movie theater over a fractured tooth he incurred from an unpopped kernel in a tub of popcorn. The 46-year-old man broke the tooth last year during a screening of Superbad; 20 min. later, he bailed out in pain — and because he found the movie to be “terrible,” the New York Post says. He wanted the theater to cover the cost of his $1,250 in dental work.

The Manhattan judge tossed out the claim this week, having some fun in the process, saying: “Until such time as the same bioengineers who brought us seedless watermelon are able to develop a new strain of popping corn where every kernel is guaranteed to pop, we will just have to accept partially popped popcorn as part and parcel of the popcorn-popping process. [Or] resist the urge to devour the bag by the handful in favor of more cautious nibbling by the piece.”

(CLICK, CLICK)

If This Week’s Bad News is Still Getting to You. . .
Perhaps this awwww story will make you smile: Dementia patients are finding comfort in a robot — a cute, fur-covered robot that resembles a seal pup that squeals, squirms, coos, bats its eyelids and flops its tail.

To some residents of a retirement community in Virginia, “Paro” the robot baby harp seal “has become a beloved creature,” says the Washington Post.

“You know what he does? He talks to me sometimes,” said a psychologist with memory problems, who was waiting to hold Paro. “I talk to him, and he says, ‘How do you do?’”

According to the Post, the conversation went like this:

Paro: Whoop!

Patient: Oh, no, that’s not right.

Paro: Whoop!

Patient: You shouldn’t have said that.

Paro: Whoop!

Patient: We’ll make up.

The therapeutic robot was 12 years in the making at National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology.

Keep the faith, folks.