Light Friday: How Not to Steal a Car, Really Interesting Facts, How Opera Leads to Expensive Suits…

by Mike Devlin | January 27th, 2006

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…holiday update, prepositional positioning, playful deer and antelope, and so much more in this week’s edition…

Light Friday Toy Facts: A Few Good Slinkys

Adobe vs. Autodesk: This Is Getting Really Interesting

JANUARY 27TH…

Punch the Clock Day
That is, according to the folks at bizarrenews.com. Those over at holidayinsights.com say they’ve been unable to determine the purpose of this day. A quick Googling hasn’t turned up anything. Any takers on explaining why we would honor the punch clock?

Thomas Crapper Day
OK, I can deal with this one. There’s actually a Web site dedicated to Mr. Crapper and, yes, this day’s about what you think it is…

Thomas Crapper, 1836-1910; Sanitary Pioneer. Manufacturer, supplier and installer of sanitary goods (bathroom fittings, W.C.s etc.) plumbing and drainage. Improver and promoter of the ‘Water Waste Preventer’ (the syphon fitted in British cisterns); promoted plumbed-in bathroom fittings and brought them ‘out of the closet’; inventor and patentee; Sanitary Engineer and supplier of goods to kings, princes, the nobility and gentry; founded Thomas Crapper & Co. in 1861; successful entrepreneur, publicist, Mason and member of the Royal Horticultural Society.

Don’t forget that tomorrow is Clash Day, Rattlesnake Roundup Day, and the all-important National Kazoo Day.

Help Me, Honda…Help, Help Me Honda

So, a guy’s sitting in his ’05 Honda Civic at a stop light in Boston’s Union Park. A 16-year-old and another young man start heckling him. The guy gets out of his Honda to confront the youths and — drum roll, please — the teen swipes the Civic out from under him. The guy calls 9-1-1 and reports his car stolen. Meanwhile, back on the road, an officer spots the Honda and the kid takes off, eventually dodging into a parking lot and crashing into a marked police tow truck — the first tip-off that this wasn’t just any parking lot, but a city-owned lot full of police vehicles. According to this article at Boston.com, “The youth is to be arraigned today on charges of assault and battery, larceny of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest, driving without a license, speeding, failing to stop for a police officer, and driving to endanger.”

The angered, battered Honda could not be reached for comment.

You’ve Been Prepositioned

Winston Churchill was editing a proof of one of his books, when he noticed that an editor had clumsily rearranged one of Churchill’s sentences so that it wouldn’t end with a preposition. Churchill scribbled in the margin, “This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.”

“Excuse me, where is the library at?”
“Here at Hahvahd, we never end a sentence with a preposition.”
“OK. Excuse me, where is the library at, jerk?”

Where the Deer and the Antelope Play

Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, “Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten, miserable beasts I have ever seen.”

One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, “You know…I think I just heard a discouraging word.”

Interesting Facts

1. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

2. A crocodile can’t stick out its tongue.

3. A shrimp’s heart is in its head.

4. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

5. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up toward the sky.

6. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

7. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

8. Horses cannot vomit.

9. “Sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

10. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If your eyes are kept open by force, they can pop out.

11. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have more than a million descendants.

12. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

13. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

14. In every episode of Seinfeld, there is a Superman somewhere.

15. A duck’s “quack” doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

16. Twenty-three percent of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their rear-ends.

17. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

18. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

19. More than 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

(Courtesy of DavesDaily.com; for mature audiences only.)

Listening to Flocking Opera

According to this article from Reuters, “Pampered Australian merino sheep who listen to opera have again produced a bale of the world’s finest wool, matching the record set by the flock last year.” The article continues, “The special flock is kept mostly indoors in small groups and listens to music, including Italian opera and recordings of Italian singer Andrea Bocelli.” Each of the special sheep is shorn once a year, and the flock is fed a secret diet formulated by a sheep nutritionist. Why? Their golden fleeces command 357 times the normal market price for wool, eventually leading to $15,000 (Aus) suits. Funny, I’ve recently started listening to opera and feel no more valuable. Oh, well. Probably my ba-aa-aa-ad diet. (Yeah, I know.)

Enjoy your weekend…